Part Ten of the Khalil Short Play Series
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THE GARDEN HOSE- (c) 2008 Cherie Renae
Khalil is loosely based upon my own grandfather, who lived to be 99. He lived to the last with my grandmother in their own home. Family and friends were always dropping by to visit. Their house, and especially their kitchen, still hold special memories for me.
Introduction
Khalil takes on the hardware store when he feels he's been sold a defective hose. This amusing skit is based on a true event in the author's life (Her grandfather was actually 96 at the time.)
THE GARDEN HOSE
Scene: Khalil and May's living room.
Characters:
Khalil, a man in his early 90’s
Joe, a man in his 80’s, Khalil’s best friend
May, Khalil’s wife
Esther, Joe’s wife
Act One
Khalil: (talking on the phone) Yes, thanks. That’s a good idea to call your son. I have the gout again, and I can’t walk to the hardware store. It would be good if he could drive me. Huh. Just let me know when he can come.
Khalil hangs up the phone.
May: What were you talking to Joe about?
Khalil: I need his son to come take me to the hardware store. I bought that no-good hose last year, and it sprang a leak when I brought it out this year. A hose should last longer than a year. I’m going to have the hardware store give me a new one.
May: Khalil, they won’t give you a new hose if you’ve used it for a year.
Khalil: (stubbornly) It should last longer than a year. They shouldn’t sell bad hoses.
May: Which hose are you talking about?
Khalil: The one on the back porch.
May: That hose looks like it’s ten years old!
Khalil: Well, it isn’t. I bought it last year. They should replace it.
May: Khalil –
(The phone rings. Khalil answers it.)
Khalil: Uh-huh. Sure. You have a good boy, Joe. Tell him thank you. I’ll be here waiting.
(He hangs up the phone.)
Khalil: Joe’s boy is going to come right over. It’s so nice that he lives close. I wish our kids lived closer.
May: I know. But Ed has spent so much time in our home that he seems like our own son. Remember how he and our Michael used to play together, when they were little?
Khalil: I used to play kick the can with them and all the neighborhood kids. That was fun. With this gout, I don’t think I could play kick the can now.
May: I’d be afraid you’d fall and break a hip!
Khalil: My bones are good. It’s the rest that’s going downhill.
They laugh.
May: It’s hard to believe that Michael and Ed both qualify for Social Security now. Where did the years go?
Khalil: Ah, the years, they fly by, May. But they’ve been good ones. They are good ones. I’ve got a few left in me yet, I think.
May: Oh, yes. I think so. More, if you’ll take care of that gout and get out and walk.
Khalil: You know, I’ve been watching the kids with their scooters. Those little ones – what do they call them? We bought little Joey one for Christmas a few years ago.
May: That – what’s it called - the Razor scooter?
Khalil: Yes. Those look like fun. The walking would be easier with one of those, I bet. You don’t suppose…
May: No! Absolutely not! I remember how you broke your wrist roller skating with Mary when she was in grade school. That was forty years ago. You were only in your fifties then. Think what would happen to your old body now!
Khalil: (indignantly) I’m not so old.
May: You’re not so young, either. You’re 92 years old, Khalil! You take care of yourself, and leave the toys to the kids. You’re going to give me heart failure some day, you know.
(The doorbell rings.)
May: That was quick. (She rises and answers the door.) Hello, Joe! Hello, Edward! (She gives Edward a hug.) You look good!
Edward: You look good, too, Auntie May.
Khalil: (Rising. He grabs the hose and a cane.) Well, are you ready?
Edward: Absolutely, Uncle Khalil.
Joe: Khalil, is that the hose you’re returning?
Khalil: Yep. It sprang a leak. It shouldn’t break after only season.
Joe: But, Khalil –
Khalil: Let’s go. I’m not getting any younger standing here, you know.
Joe: (Looking at the hose.) You know, I think I’ll stay here and keep May company. You and Ed can handle this.
(Ed looks suspiciously at the hose, and then at Joe. Joe looks innocently back at him.)
Khalil: OK, then. This won’t take long. We’ll be back in half an hour or so.
(Khalil and Ed exit.)
May: Joe, that garden hose looked more than a year old.
Joe: Well, May, that could be because…well, because it is. Khalil never forgets a thing. I’m surprised he forgot this.
May: Forgot what?
Joe: Well, last summer, he was complaining about his new hose. It was too long, he thought. He was visiting me, and I was watering the plants on my back patio. He saw my hose, which was shorter, and wanted to trade me the new hose for it. Well, the new hose was much nicer, so why not?
May: So the hose he’s returning is your old hose?
Joe: It is. It’s probably ten years old. Khalil must have forgotten.
May: He doesn’t forget anything. He knew that was an old hose!
Joe: You’ll never get him to admit it. I think we’d better just keep this between us, you know?
May: (laughing) That’s why you didn’t want to go with him, isn’t it?
Joe: Well, if Khalil doesn’t remember, then I didn’t want to embarrass him. And if he does remember, I didn’t want to embarrass me.
May: They’re never going to exchange that hose. He’s going to be upset.
Joe: That’s the other reason I thought I’d keep you company.
(They laugh. May pours Joe a cup of coffee, and they sit in companionable silence.)
Curtain. End Act One.
Act Two
Curtain rises on May and Joe, sitting and drinking coffee. Sounds of approaching footsteps.
Joe: Sounds like they’re back.
(The door opens. Khalil and Ed enter. Khalil has a new hose slung over his shoulder.)
Khalil: I’m going to take this out back to the garden shed.
(He exits.)
May: They gave him a new hose?
Ed: Auntie May, it was the most amazing thing. We got to the hardware store, and Uncle Khalil asked me where the hoses were. I told him they were on aisle 17. He said, “Where?” and I repeated, louder, “Aisle 17, Uncle.” “Where?” he asked again, even more loudly.
Well, by this time, the store manager came up. “How can I help you?” he said. Uncle Khalil says, “I bought this no-good hose a year ago, and it sprang a leak. A hose should last longer than one season.”
The manager said, “You’re right. It should last longer than that. I’ll take this hose, and you go to aisle 17 and get any hose you want.”
“OK, then,” says Uncle Khalil. And he went and got the most expensive one there! He’s walking out, and I said, “Not bad for a 92-year-old man.” The store manager says, “How old did you say he was?”
And then he starts running after him, and asks him what his secret is! He tells Uncle Khalil he thought he was only in his 70’s. Uncle Khalil was walking on cloud nine after that, I tell you.
(Khalil walks back into the room.)
Khalil: I decided to hook it up while I was out there. I think I’ll need it tomorrow. The weather’s supposed to stay dry for a while. The weatherman on Channel 8 said so.
Joe: Well, I’m glad everything turned out well for you, Khalil.
Khalil: Yep. New hoses are a good thing, right, Joe?
Joe: Khalil, did you remember ---
Khalil: (Turning to May.) Guess what? The manager at the store thought I was only 70! Maybe I’ll have Ed take me back to the hardware store. I saw some of those scooter-things in the window. A seventy-year-old should be able to ride one of those, don’t you think?
May: No, Khalil. No!
Ed: Uncle Khalil, I love you, and I’d do anything for you. Except take you back to the hardware store for one of those scooters.
Khalil: Humph. Us youngsters, we gotta have some fun, you know?
Joe: Just hearing about your trip is enough adventure for me today. Let’s play some pinochle. That would be fun, don’t you think?
Khalil: (Nodding.) Yes, that would be fun. And probably safer, too.
May: (Jumping up in relief.) I’ll make more coffee and get the cards. Let’s go into the kitchen.
(May exits off stage.)
Joe: (Laughing.) You tease May something awful, Khalil.
Khalil: Keeps her young. And that keeps me young.
The men walk off stage laughing and talking.)
THE END
---(c) 2007 Cherie Renae - may not be reproduced without permission
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